Sunday, September 9, 2007

My August Plan (Cycle # 16)

So, where did I leave off......
Okay, back to the RE in July, we sat and talked about options for the coming cycle.
The original plan:
Continue the Met ER 1500 mg at night
have and ultrasound on day 3 to check for cysts, and if no cysts, would start 100 mg Clomid CD's 3-7 and have a 2nd ultrasound (as I've never gotten + OPK's) , do a trigger and IUI.

After I sat on it for a few days, I wasn't ready to pay $800 OOP for the IUI (I'm one of the "lucky" one's whose insurance pays 100% diagnostic and not a friggin' dime for treatment. (not even for Rx's) when I wasn't sure if the Clomid would even work (since 50mg never worked for me). So I took it upon myself to change our plan. I went for a CD 4 ultrasound (my RE's a/c broke and had to reschedule me for the next day at a different center).

I went to have the ultrasound, and got great news that there were NO CYSTS!!!! (I felt a huge stepping stone as the last time I had an ultrasound, I was loaded with cysts on both ovaries). I got my RX for 100 mg Clomid and popped my first pill at the John Mayer Concert!!! LOL. (what a momentous way to remember your first dose of being back on Clomid).

I started doing OPK's on cd 10 (aug 12th), which produced only a control line. By the 16th, I began seeing a very faint second line which I felt was another stepping stone as never in my life had I ever gotten a second line on a OPK!!! My predicted "O" day was supposed to be CD 21 and on that day, mid afternoon it did feel as though I had ovulated. I had a series of three kinda sharp weird pains where my Right ovary is about 90 seconds apart. Considering our BD timing, I truly felt we had a great chance and was very very hopeful.

I tested at 10 DPO which was a waste of time, and of course was a BFN!! So thus started my not so hopeful outlook....... (we all know, it simply doesn't matter what day you actually POAS, it still stings like a slap in the face when we see only the control line or "not PG". So last Sunday was 13 dpo, was still a BFN, and I totally crashed, hit rock bottom and felt like I was hitting rock bottom. My husband and I had the day off together, and I was in such a sad, depressed and down-and-out mood, that he asked me one question, I lost it, and spent 1/2 the morning bawling. I was on such a roller coaster ride. I sobbed, I felt sorry for myself, I felt bad for my husband, just aweful all the way around. I was bad enough that he asked me if I felt I needed t0 "talk" to someone (aka a professional), which I quickly declined. (See normally I'm always "ON", always upbeat and fun and joking, so when I'm not, which is rare, people come at me like don't be such a debbie downer......... like I'm not ever allowed to have a bad day) I simply explained to him that I need to be allowed to have a bad day once in awhile. A day where I don't have to be the ROCK that everyone leans on.......... a day where I can be sad, or cry or be angry at the Fertility Gods who simply won't cut me a break......

I worked thru it, and made it thru the day, and the days that followed. I took another test on Weds 9-4 which was the day AF was supposed to arrive.......... and she hadn't shown any signs of coming. And can you guess what my results of that test were?? Yep .............. a BFN!!!!!!!! I didn't even shed a tear..... I guess I knew on Sunday when I had my big breakdown and got it all out of my system that day instead.

Finally AF reared her ugly ass yesterday (the 8th), so it looks like I will be calling my RE tomorrow morning to schedule another US.............. and I think this time we'll be going the Clomid, Trigger and IUI route.

So here's to making Cycle #17 be the lucky one that gives us a baby!!!!!!!!!! I'll continue to wear my St. Gerard necklace each and everyday and will cont to pray to St. Gerard, God and who ever else might listen in hopes of upping our chances of getting PG.

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